A Day at the Office

Dr. Erik Von Schnell, renowned psychiatrist to the stars and celebrities from around the world, leaned forward on his desk and spoke into the intercom. "Nancy, send in my next client." Nancy looked over at the man sitting on the couch who had suddenly looked up at her. "Mr. Jacobson? Dr. Von Schnell will see you now." The man tossed his magazine aside, "Thank ya, darlin' thank ya ver' much." he said in a breathy voice and with a wink. "You can call me Elvis, darlin', ever' body else does." Nancy smiled. "OK, Elvis, the doctor will see you now." "Thank ya, Nancy darlin', thank ya ver' much."

Gerald Jacobson walked into his psychiatrist's office. Dr. Von Schnell smiled at him. "Well, Gerald, I see you have come in character today." "Aw, shucks, doc. I'm alwuhys in muh character, it's jus' sometimes, a man has to take cover, an' wear normal clothes, like ever'body else. I jus' felt like dressin' up today, an' bein' muhself, even if it does create some problems " Gerald took a seat in front of the doctor. "What kind of problems does it create for you, Gerald, when you dress like that?" the doctor asked, looking at his ridiculous attire. "Well, when I dress like this, the gals realize that I am Elvis, an' just won't leave me alone." "So, Gerald, let's go back to that night." the doctor said, leaning back in his chair. "That night you woke up believing you were Elvis." Gerald leaned forward in his chair. "See, here's the thing ya' gotta realize, doc. I didn't wake up jus'' believin' I was Elvis. Elvis came into my body. I could feel his very fingers clutchin' at my soul. He was grabbin' my soul by the collar. I was all shook up. It was that very night he died. Before that night I wasn't nothin' but a hound dog, jus' barkin' all the time. An' I wasn't even a very good one, at that. I aint' even never caught a rabbit, or nothin'. I just kinda admired him, you know. I wish I had though." "You wish you had ...what?" the doctor said. "I wish I coulda caught him a rabbit before he kicked off, you know. He really liked rabbits, you know."

Dr Von Schnell got up from his chair and paced slowly around the room, his hand caressing his chin, and then his forehead, as though lost in thought. "So, is it frustrating to think that you never caught a rabbit for Elvis?" "Well, it used to be." Gerald said, "But now I make sure to catch a rabbit ever' year, an' I drive over to Memphis, an' I put it on his grave on his birthday. He appreciates it too, since nex' day when I go there, the rabbit is gone." "OK, look, Gerald, what is the main thing that is really bothering you right now? Can you get in touch with those feelings?" Doctor Von Schnell said, sitting wearily down in his chair. "Well, it's mostly about my girlfriend, I guess." "What about her?" the doctor asked. "I don' know, it's kinda hard to describe. She jus' wants me to be her teddy bear, an' to love her all tender, an' that kinda thing." "And so, you find that difficult?" the doctor asked. "No, that's pretty easy," he said patting his bulging belly, "I'm gettin' to look like a teddy bear more and more. An' I do love her tender, cuz mos' the time I'm real tired. But, that's the problem doc." he said. "What's the problem Gerald?" the doctor said, leaning forward in his chair. "Well, on the outside I feel like a teddy bear, but on the inside, I feel like a blob of...no, blob's not the word...no, ummm... a chunk, that's it...a chunk of...no, chunk's not it..." "A hunk, maybe?" the doctor said. "Yes, that's it. I feel like a hunk...a hunk a' burning love." The doctor nodded, with a certain wise look on his face. "OK, Gerald, I'm going refill your Viagra scrip for you." "You're the greatest, doc! When I go back to Vegas, I'm gonna dedicate a song to you." "You've never been to Vegas, Gerald." the doctor said. "I'm afraid our time is up for today. In our next session, I would like to discuss with you this practice you say you have of throwing your sweaty neck scarves out to girls in the audience." "Sure thing, doc. An', can you refill them other pills too?" The doctor nodded, as Gerald walked toward the door.

"Nancy, can you come in here please, and take notation? " the doctor said into the intercom. "Yes sir, I'll be right there." Nancy took a seat and crossed her legs. She flipped open her notepad, and looked patiently up at Dr. Von Schnell. "Nancy, what is that around your neck?" "Oh, this scarf?" she said, caressing it with her fingers. "Elvis gave it to me." . He watched as Nancy picked up one end of the scarf and caressed her face with it. "He's just such a big teddy bear." she said dreamily. Dr. Von Schnell suddenly began banging his head down on his desk. Bang! Bang! Bang! "Doctor? What's wrong?" Nancy said in a startled voice. "Nothing, Nancy" Bang! Bang! Bang! "Nothing at all." Bang! Bang! Bang!.....................................