On behalf of the pharmaceutical industry, I would like to re-assure everyone that a drug for you is coming soon to a pharmacy near you. Of course, we understand you are already taking a lot of pills, and still feeling like crap. I can only assure you that our self-sacrificing pharmaceutical chemists are working around the clock to provide chemical relief for the new maladies identified by the American Psychiatric Association in the up and coming revision of the DSM. (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.) Yes, we dealt with "Restless Leg Syndrome" promptly when many people were delusional in thnking they just needed to take a vacation. But our quest has only begun. Once we have introduced Temper Dysregulation Syndrome into the DSM we will be able to provide you with a drug to help you when you have that 'fed up', and "I'm not going to take it anymore" outburst. We also hope that broadening the spectrum of autistic syndromes will enable every family experiencing a child who seems ' somehow peculiar', to have more drugs. And for those parents who find themselves obsessively rubbing their fretted foreheads, or, any others who are worried about the way things are going, help is on the way, given major advances on the issue of Fretted Brow Syndrome. Do you find yourself biting your nails, now and then? Believe me, we are on it already. We just need the APA to categorize it, so your insurance company will cover it.
In summary, the pharmaceutical industry is your friend. So, we ask you to do your part. If you have a disturbing thought now and then, it may be something we can treat chemically. If you find yourself uninterested in the new season's television offerings, we would like to hear from you. If you think something is wrong with the government, or the insurance companies, please let us know. If you, or any of your family members, seem bothered about something, please let us know. If you sometimes think, that maybe in the the future you or a loved one may have some kind of problem, let us know. (Prevention is good medicine.)
Don't settle for a lobotomy. Help is on the way. Thank you. And God bless America.
Your friendly pharmaceutical industry.
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5 comments:
Just the thought of the pharmaceutical industry gives me TDS.
very good....
BG
I am with Dee on this one.
*shudder*
But humans want to be fooled, don't they?
Dan, you seem to be fretting about the pharmaceutical industry's good intentions. I hear there's a pill that can help you overcome that! Seriously though, I am so with you in concern about chemical responses to problems that are non-chemical and have everything to do with environment and lifestyle.
See - even my WV is agreeing with you - it is however on the dyslexic spectrum - giving you a round of APLOS!
I find I am blogging a lot more now that I discovered I have Blogger's Block Syndrome, and my doctor prescribed a new pill for me called Blogazone.
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