Intentions, Plans, and Erasers

I was driving down the highway, a perfectly straight line of a highway. And yet, there were very small movements of my hands on the wheel. Little corrections made along the way. I'm not typically conscious of this, it becomes an auto-pilot thing when you have driven awhile. Maybe, one of my tires is a bit low on air, maybe one needs balancing, maybe it is some minor front-end alignment issue that causes these movements of my hands on the wheel in some compensatory way to keep me moving forward. Maybe subtle changes in the road conditions.

I am not a sailor, but while thinking about my hands on the wheel of my truck, I started thinking about sailing. How it is necessary to run a rather zig-zag route in order to go forward. Tacking here, tacking there, as the winds dictated.

And then I began thinking of the course of my life and it seemed an illusion that I was advancing through time in some linear manner. That while I made and executed plans all along the way, other variables seemed to always intervene. Winds blew and then changed direction. And my plans shifted accordingly.

If I look at any time in my life, and then think back to where I was 5 years earlier it seems surprising to me that where I thought I would be was not where I wound up. And yet, the whole time it seemed I knew what I was doing, and was in control. In retrospect, it seems an illusion. There are too many intervening and unexpected variables. And they alter the course in unpredictable ways. I can write out a plan ahead, to be sure. But I keep an eraser handy.

I will plan my next three days. Will they go as planned? Maybe. Maybe not. Tomorrow, I may turn a familiar corner as I have so many times before, only to find myself in a circumstance unexpected. For better or worse. In my mind I keep a running plan, and an eraser.